The Statements Car Owners are Really Making

Acura Integra               I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend                I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX                   I am impotent
Audi 90                     I enjoy putting out engine fires
BMW 325                     Recent law graduate aspiring to be a partner in the firm
BMW 528                     10 years out of law school, still aspiring
BMW 750                     Partner in a law firm
BMW 2002                    Extremely well rounded individual, occasional dating problems
BMW 535                     I have a 2002, and i spent way too much money to let road salt ruin it
Buick Park Avenue           I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado           I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville            I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro            I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette          I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette          I'm in a mid life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino         I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba            I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z                 I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart                  I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona               I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa          I have problems performing in bed
Ford Fairmont               (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang                I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria         I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm                   I will start the 11th grade in the fall
Geo Tracker                 I will start the 12th grade in the fall
Honda del Sol               I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic                 I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord                I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Infiniti Q45                I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Isuzu Impulse               I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6                  I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia                  I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
Lamborghini Countach        I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car            I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis       (See Lincoln Town Car above)
Mercedes 500SL              I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL             I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata                 I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen wheeler
MGB                         I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante         I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX                I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass          I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel          I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon               I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM            I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo           I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944                 I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow   I think Pat Buchannan is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2                  (See Honda Civic)
Saab 9000                   "Dave, you have been spared today"
Subaru Legacy               I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry                I am still in the closet
Volkswagen Beetle           I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Cabriolet        I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Microbus         I am tripping right now
Volkswagen Corrado          I was tired of repair bills on my Porsche 944
Volvo 740 wagon             I am frightened of my wife